must be the music. [ chapter seventeen ]

I don't know how long Alex and I stayed in the lakehouse.  It seemed all unreal to me that someone like him could be so fragile but also could be so strong when he needed too. It stumbled me. I held him - like the daydream in my head that was playing, that he held me so softly, but it felt so sturdy, like he was fixing the shattered being that consumed me - I held him, like I woud want to be held if I was every in his predictiment. His face was burrowed in the crook of my neck and his breathing had slowed, not like it was before when he was in hysterical sobs. He was quiet, and I was too afraid to say something. Too afraid that he might start crying again. Too afraid that I would break this peace, and beautiful-ness of this whole dream-like state.

I felt his breath on my neck, and he moved his head slightly, and he hugged me a little tighter. I put a hand in his hair and ran my fingers through it comfortingly a few times before he pulled away from me.

"Am I pathetic?" He asked me, looking me straight into the eyes. I pulled my knees to my chest and shook my head before smiling at him, which he tried to return but turned into something in his face, I couldn't read.

"You're not." I said, "You're hurting and that's okay, Alex. I'm not gonna say you can't be sad; but Tom wouldn't want that. Once you're done feeling sad, or tired of it, that's when you have to become strong. You have to overcome this loss, because Tom will always be there for you, looking down at how proud he is of you."

He smiled at that, "I honestly don't know what I'd do without you."

"I think you'd manage." I spoke softly and he brought me into a hug before kissing my forehead.

_______

The best thing about hanging out with Alex more, Josh got jealous and jealous until one day, he completely lost it on Alex. When Alex and I got into the lunch room, Josh stood up and stood in front of Alex.

"Hey, Josh." Alex said and smiled at him, but Josh shoved him, making the tray that Alex was carrying fall to the ground.

"Don't 'hey' me." Josh spat, "You're gonna spend all your time boinking this slut?"

"Shut up, Farro." Alex snarled

"Josh, leave him alone!" I said and he pointed his fingers at me.

"Stay outta this, bitch."

"Fuck off, Farro!" Alex said and shoved Josh back before they got into a fist fight. They both landed punches on each other, and it made me wince. Before I knew it, I had tears in my eyes. 

"Stop!" I yelled and tried seperating them but Josh shoved me down, and Alex stopped and so did Josh and they both looked at me, Alex went to help me up, but I pushed myself from the ground and backed away from them. My face was turning red and I was hot, and I felt embarrased, people in the cafeteria were staring.

"It's me or her, dude." Josh said out of breath, his chest heaving.

"You're a fucking asshole." Alex said to him.

"Than we're through! We are through!" Josh said wiping blood from his mouth.

"Fine by me." Alex said as I turned and ran out of the cafeteria, I heard him call my name, "Hayley!"

______

When I was walking down the steps, I felt someone grab my hand and walk in front of me, Alex stared at me.

"I'm sorry." He said, tears were in my eyes and I looked away.

"Why did you have to do that!?" I questioned, "What's wrong with you!?" I pulled away from him and skipped the last couple steps before grabbing my waist and hugging it tight.

"Hayley, please. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you."

"Why doesn't it even matter if you hurt me, Alex!?" I turned to face him, tears free flowing from my eyes, he grabbed my face and it was sending lightning bolts through my whole body, I couldn't pull away.

"Because, I'm in love with you, Hayley."

"No." I muttered, "Y-You.. what?"

"And I know you're in love with me, too." Alex said and wiped the tears away, "I can see them in you're beautiful green eyes."

I shook my head before pulling away from him, "Alex, please." I wiped my face and walked away from him.

The first thing I thought in my head was my diary, Dear Diary, I just ruined everything perfect that was going in my life. Love, Hayley 

What'd you guys think of this chapter? Anyways, there's one more chapter left! And I think you'll guys like it. :)

Leave me comments, they keep me fueled. So, les'go!

Love, Maxie. <3